Day by Day

Sunday, October 05, 2003

I eat bandwidth for BREAKFAST!

Since I took a few days off, I feel the urge to make up for it. Nah, not really, I've just found lots of stuff I want to share with everyone.

One of those things is Steve, at Little Tiny Lies. Steve is fun to read, if you like snorting coffee out of your nasal passeges while trying to stifle laughter at the office so that your boss doesn't catch you goofing off at work. Need a teaser?

"I have to admit, I love that lower lip thing Bill does. Men are immune, but women eat it up.

Hillary: WILLIAM JEFFERSON CLINTON! WHAT IN THE NAME OF HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?

Bill: [spreading hot molasses on nude intern handcuffed spreadeagled on Oval Office desk] Baby, I thought you were out of town at the Conference of Dateless Vegan Women Against Leg Shaving!

Intern: Bill, the cuffs...

Hillary: [tongues of fire gushing from her eye sockets as six-inch talons emerge from her fingertips] I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOU! BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME BY SATAN, I CONSIGN YOU TO THE FLAMES OF HELL! [prepares to zap him with a magic ray from her right index claw]

Intern: The CUFFS, Bill.

Bill: Aw, Hillsy...baby...it's not what you think. I came in here lookin' for a box of Mallomars and I found this sweet thing cuffed to the desk, surrounded by slobberin' Republicans. I chased 'em off with my nine iron, and now I'm scrapin' the molasses off her body with this soft pastry brush.

Hillary: How STUPID do you think I AM? [serrated horns spiraling out of her forehead]

Intern: Excellent question, Mrs. C!

Bill: Aw, baby, you know you cain't stay mad at ol' Bill. [bites lower lip]

Hillary: I....I....what are you doing to me....I can actually feel my ovaries throbbing...

Intern: WHOA! I'M OVULATING!

Bill: [biting a little more] I feel your pain, baby.

Hillary: Bill...sweetheart...what's going on? How did I get here? What's that poor girl doing on your desk?

Intern: [mesmerized by Bill's lip] Yeah, what am I doing on your desk?

Bill: I'll tell you all about it in a second, Hillsy, but for now...you are...a CHICKEN!

Hillary: CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK P-CACKKK!

Intern: CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK!

Bill: Not you, stupid."

He did a chili making post that had me laughing my ass off. Trust me. It's good. Too long to cut-and-paste.

And to follow up on my earlier post about information leaks, I give you ..... (drumroll) The American Jingo!

The Democrats making the biggest stink about confidential information being leaked made no comments at all about:
1. 1100 Republican adversary's FBI files showing up in a bodyguard's office during the Clinton Presidency.
2. Linda Tripp's Pentagon employee file being leaked to the press (Lars Erik Nelson to be specific) which was later used to paint her as a shoplifter and thief.
3. Paula Jones' income tax return being leaked so that her "questionable charitable donations" could be used to discredit her in her testimony against Bill Clinton
.

Ya smell that? MmHmmmm, it's called HYPOCRISY! And it's a Left-wing staple.

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