OK, I've had this rant brewing for a while, so bear with me. One of the most disgusting things that I've found in what is described as "culture" today is the women. The "famous" women.

Before the flame posts start, please read on!

I'd been avoiding the TV, because of the Paris Hilton tape/Michael Jackson case/scandal du jour, and everything else I really don't give a damn about. But the more I saw Paris Hilton, I started thinking to myself, "Just what the hell to people see in her, anyways?" The only answer I could find is that she's A) skinny, B) rich, and C) likes to show her thong to anyone with a camera. And that got me thinking on the women put forward today as "beautiful". And quite honestly, I don't like what I see.

Let's take Miss Hilton as our example, shall we? Her now infamous sex tape has been seen by millions. (although I can honestly say that I haven't seen it. Lack of interest and a dial-up modem combined, I guess) Her picture is on every tabloid, but she was in the Inquirer's pages long before the video came out. You see her at every celebrity award show, modeling the latest thong fashion, or showing some leg. Yay. But why? Do people really think she's cute? Because let me tell you what I see. Let's use this picture.

I see the tendons in her neck sticking out. Even though she's wearing a jacket, you can still see her collarbones jutting out. There are no curves to her body, it's all straight lines, and you can tell that her legs are damn near pipestems. No meat on her bones whatsoever. Even her face is composed of angular, jutting, fleshless lines. IT'S NOT PRETTY, PEOPLE! IN FACT, IT'S DAMN DISGUSTING! Want more proof? Check out some of these pics. Look at the pic in the top left, if you will. No calf muscles, barely any curves, (and the ones she has are from her clothing, not her body), and she's so damn thin that you can clearly see the delineation of her KNEECAP, pushing through the skin on her knee! Dear god in heaven, that's not a girl, that's a cadaver! That's a medical school study guide in anorexia! And this is the person we're supposed to find ATTRACTIVE? No thank you, I'm not into necrophelia. Top it off with the fact that you can SEE the lack of any kind of thought on her face, and that's just one girl I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

And look around at the celebrities today. Damn near all of them stick thin, bones poking out, every last muscle strained and exposed by this supposedly fashionable desire to be thin, thinner, THINNEST! Look at me, I'm 98 pounds! I'm anemic, ill, and about to collapse, but I'm THIN! I eat toilet paper for dinner, but I'm THIN! I gorge myself and then puke it out five minutes later, but I'm THIN! Demi Moore spent thousands of dollars on plastic surgery for the latest "Charlies' Angels" movie. She had to be THIN, donchaknow! I can see the veins on Cameron Diaz's face, but hey, she's THIN! Hell, it's gotten to the point that once these women have starved themselves damn near to death, they have to get breast implants because they don't have enough body fat to have actual breasts! WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THAT????

NO. THANK. YOU. VERY. MUCH!

Now go take a look at this picture. Anybody wanna guess what size that woman is? Size 5? Size 8? C'mon, take a guess.

Try a size 14.

That's right, folks. Marilyn Monroe, the woman who defined sexuality and beauty for decades, was anywhere from a size 12 to a size 16, depending on when you asked. Marilyn was everything that Paris Hilton is not. Curvy, voluptuous, feminine, and so damn hot that even her footprints smoked. People today STILL aspire to be half as sexy as Marilyn Monroe was. And many of them fail, because they try to fit Marilyn into their 2003 stick-thin idea of what beauty is. Modern day fashion models can't wear Marilyn's clothing. I've seen them try, and it's laughable. And as Kim says about that photograph:

This is one of the most erotic pictures ever taken, and there's not a nipple or pubic hair in sight.

Call me old fashioned if you want. Call me whatever you like. But Marilyn Monroe had more heat and sensuality in a wink and a smile than Paris Hilton has in her whole body. There's no comparison. It's the beauty queen versus the stick girl. If Marilyn Monroe winked at you, you were on fire. Paris Hilton takes off her shirt and all I can say is "Where's the beef?"

And that's what pisses me off about today's "cultured" women, the ones stepping out on the red carpet. They're just not appealing. The people who push these walking skeletons as examples of what's beautiful are nothing more than simpering twits, as far as I'm concerned. I want more Catherine Zeta Jones and less Paris Hilton. Mrs. Zeta Jones has curves. She has a real body, not some eat-and-purge parody of a human figure. The same could be said for Renee Zellweger. She has hips, a butt, real boobs, a real body. I want to see a feminine form, not some androgynous stick figure with bones sticking out of skin. I've often told my friends that modern fasion designers make their clothes look good on a clothes rack, therefore they want their models to look like clothesracks. You might laugh, but it's true. Just look at the majority of fashion models. Why do we allow the standard of beauty in America to be set by a bunch of out-of-touch men from Europe?

Remember Kate Winslet? She of Titanic fame? I can remember all the fashion snobs blathering on the airwaves "I don't know what people see in her. She's fat!" Fat? Kate Winslet? No, she was REAL. Something these modern day glitterati are unfamiliar with. Hell, the chattering classes wouldn't know a real women if one came up and slapped them in the face. I myself thought that Kate Winslet was one of the hottest women on the silver screen. I still do. She had the curves, the sensuality, the heat that a real woman has.

So I'm starting my own personal crusade. Down with Paris Hilton, and other twittering skeletons like her! Up with real women! Here's to curves, hips, and everything that a real woman has! Let's get anorexic socialite queens out of the camera! DEMAND REAL WOMEN!