Day by Day

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Gee, thanks Mom and Dad!

So lets say that your 18 year old daughter just graduated from highschool. Let's say she got straight A's all the way, 4.0 GPA, valedictorian, ect., ect., ect. What are you going to get her for a graduation present?

A car? A few grand to get her started in college? Money for books? A vacation to Bermuda?

A set of fake tits?

I don't think anyone says it better than Steve:

Congratulations on a fine trend, parents. What better way to confirm an adolescent girl's suspicion that the only important things about her are riding on her chest and hidden between her legs.

For a lot of these girls, that's probably true.

I can think of no better way for a parent to say, "Honey, get out there and get pounded from behind on a series of motel balconies in Fort Lauderdale, because that's all you're good for."

The story says something like 11,000 eighteen-year-old girls in the US got prosthetic breasts last year. These boob-stiffening, often-asymmetrical bags of water are popular graduation gifts. Yes, you wasted four years improving your brain. Now it's time to drop the charade and work on what really matters.

But remember, according to the Left it's us EEEEEEEEEEVIL Republicans who create a sexist society. Yeah. Right. Sure.

If any of my readers are parents of little girls, make sure that they read my next few words before they turn eighteen, OK? Cause here's a clue: I hate fake tits. And 99.999999999% of the guys I know hate fake tits. Nothing says "I'm a stupid plastic bint" quite like a set of fake knockers, OK? There's no better way to prove that you're a shallow, bubble-headed slut than getting a boob job. Show up with your Mattel®-made breasts, and the first thought going through a guy's head is "Oh yeah, she's easy!" Because if you have such a low opinion of yourself that you think your breasts are the most important part of you, then you will be correct. Hell with conversation, look at my tits! Who cares what I think, look at my tits! I don't need a functioning brain, look at my tits! Tee hee, tee hee! Look at my tits!

And all that attention you get with your instant boobs will last for about ten to fifteen years. Yep, cheap shallow guys ogling your expensive breasts might last for a decade or so, although by the end of it you might get a little tired of guys just wanting to get you in the sack, thus confirming their theory that you're a cheap shallow Barbie-wanna be. But when you hit 35 or 40, you'll see that while your body changes, silicone doesn't. And forty year old women with softball shaped tits that hang down to their belly-button don't get too much action, unless you want to delve into the seriously defective end of the gene-pool. Oh, and from what I've heard, trying to breast-feed a child when you have fake boobs isn't the most pleasant experience. Your tits have already stretched out to their max due to this bag of chemicals you've had stuffed in there, so trying to produce milk, which causes swelling, can get a bit painful. By the way, the surgery to REMOVE the fake tits is just as painful as the surgery that put them in, possibly more so. Enjoy!

There are quite a few valid reasons to get a boob job, I'm not denying that. Breast cancer surgery would be the first reason to pop into my head. But as a graduation present?

Maybe the parents just want their little angels to be as shallow as they are.

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