Since I had a request to continue this story.....
So there I was, seated upon the porcelain throne Monday morning, enjoying the peace and quiet that normally accompanies being up early and having the loo to yourself, when the earth moved. A normal stress reaction is to have your sphincter clench up. So when my porcelain throne began bouncing up and down and side to side, my body does what a body does when caught in a stressful situation and clenched up.
However, since I was halfway through the act when I clenched up, it had a two-fold effect; it was one part defecatus interruptus, and one part rocket-propelled poo, as my body's reaction to the entire house bouncing like a trampoline being abused by Micheal Moore caused my lower intestine to empty out at the speed of light. I was alternately caught halfway between painful constipation and crapping at such velocity that it caused a backsplash that wet my nethers and required quite a bit of ass-wipe to dry completely.
And as I said, the first thought in my head was "I'd better flush this before we lose water."
Luckily there was no interruption of services, as the earthquake and the noise the dogs were making woke up the Ragin' Mrs., who had to use the facilities herself immediately upon getting out of bed.
I'd been through other earthquakes before, including the Nisqually earthquake in Seattle in 2001. But I'd never been through anything like that while in the middle of deep contemplation, as it were. It was an interesting experience.