Just look at what I could do!
Stanford University scientists have solved another great mystery of the universe with today's announcement of a new study proving that when beer is poured into a glass the bubbles sometimes fall rather than rise.
OK, I admit, this isn't exactly earth shattering news, but it really makes me want to rip my hair out for a number of reasons.
1) If these two goobers had actually enjoyed good beer, instead of drinking whatever watered down horse-piss that passes as "beer" where ever they are, they might have been able to, oh, I don't know, LOOK AT A F**KING GUINNESS THAT'S JUST BEEN POURED! Dear GOD, what's next? "Not to be one-upped, UC Berkeley students discover that water is actually wet!" If I had any doubts that college students are dumber now than they have ever been, this just proved it.
2) What kind of lame brain administrator scratched his head and said "Hey, yeah, checking to see if beer bubbles can fall instead of rise sounds like a GREAT idea to spend money on!" Seriously, I want that guy's number. I have a bridge in New York City that I can sell him for a great price. I'll even toss in the oceanfront property in Arizona for free.
Honestly, I have a mental picture of these guys in my head. Two unshowered guys in lab coats, with three whiskers between them, posters of the latest big-boobed videogame girl on the walls, giggling to themselves. "HEE HEE! Beer bubbles fall! TEE HEE!"
Gah. Thanks for nuttin', Steve.
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