Found it!

It's no wonder that the liberals seem so screwed up! They're reading from their own version of the constitution! I was able to sneak a copy out of the joint PETA/NAMBLA headquarters. So here it is, in all it's liberal glory!

THE LEFT-WING CONSTITUTION

Amendment I
Congress shall separate Church and State, and ensure that no public agency ever acknowledge the existence of religion. Congress shall make no law abridging the freedom of speech, except for such speech as is spoken by white males regarding
women or minorities.
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Amendment II
A National Guard and Law Enforcement Agencies, to be established at a yet-to-be-determined time within the next two centuries, being necessary to the security of a police State, the right of certain government employees to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.
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Amendment III
No Woman shall, in time of pregnancy, be barred from killing her child at any point between conception and delivery.
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Amendment IV
The right of the people to pretend to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unwarranted and imagined fears, shall be absolute. Rights shall be removed from the citizenry as rapidly as possible to accomplish this, regardless of basis in fact.
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Amendment V
No union members shall be held to answer for poor or nonexistent work, and shall be required to receive overtime and bonus pay at an ever increasing rate, ad infinitum.
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Amendment VI
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to blame his indiscretions on racism and poverty. The victim shall instead accept responsibility for the crime, and for his part in establishing such a hateful society.
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Amendment VII
Progressive taxation shall be the basis of Federal income, so that "The Rich" are not given unfair compensation for their intelligence, hard work, and maintenance of a strong economy.
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Amendment VIII
Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor jailtime inflicted without rapid parole, nor the death penalty imposed, nor access to cable television or the internet hindered.
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Amendment IX
The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, is flexible, and shall be denied to the people at Congressional whim as "times change" and human rights become "outdated".
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Amendment X
The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are temporary limitations to be revoked at any time by acts of Congress.

This was shamelessly swiped from one of the Amazing Kallini brothers, who posted it on a Right-Thinking thread. That's right, Christopher, I swiped it! HA!