Memo to Norway
Chow down, bruddah!
Millions of giant Pacific crabs, whose ancestors were brought to Europe by Joseph Stalin in the 1930s, are marching south along Norway's coast, devouring everything in their path.
I call this a perfect time for open season on crabs.
The monster crabs, which can weigh up to 25lb and have a claw-span of more than three feet, are proving so resilient that scientists fear they could end up as far south as Gibraltar.
Energised by a mysterious population explosion a decade ago, whole armies of the crustaceans - known as the Kamchatka or Red King Crabs - have already advanced about 400 miles along the roof of Europe, overwhelming the ports of northern Norway.
Mmmmmmmmmm, King Crab!
Many Norwegian fishermen hate the crabs, blaming them for falling fish stocks and complaining that they get tangled in their nets. But for others, they have brought unprecedented wealth. At the Rallarn, a pub near the harbour, a fierce debate raged this week. Some favour annihilating the crabs, an almost impossible task, while others are tickled pink at the chance to gorge for free on a rare delicacy they find almost at the bottom of their gardens.
Elvis Jenssen, 41, said: "The bloody things hoover up everything off the bottom of the sea and all the fish are disappearing. They came over from Russia and now they're taking over."
But Glenn, a 30-year-old car mechanic, replied: "It's true the seabed now looks like the Sahara but they certainly taste good."
That's it, I'm headed to Norway. I'm taking crab pots, a big frigging kettle, and 20 pounds of butter with me. I'll be back in a month or so. Anyone else want to come? If these crabs are a problem, the solution is to catch them and eat them.
King Crab! Yum!
UPDATE: Looks like the Rott saw this as well, and the comments are farking hilarious!
Peter: To think that the entire Western World once trembled at the mere thought of the Long Ships. The actual sighting of only one brought panic.
Now the progeny of the Vikings are defensless against the invasion of...supper.
Thor is weeping in shame.
In all seriousness, I could eat ten pounds of fresh crab all by myself! I just can't figure out why Norway is going all ga-ga over this! This isn't a problem, this is dinner and a buttload of cash for exporting fresh King crab legs!