An Oldie But a Goodie.

Just a little reminder of the rank structure and power contained therin.

General
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound.
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Parts water with a single wave of his hand
Advises God

Colonel
Leaps short buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Just as fast as a speeding bullet
Walks on water if the sea is calm
Chats with God

Lt. Colonel
Leaps short buildings with a running start and a tailwind
Is almost as fast as a speeding bullet
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
Walks on water on indoor swimming pools
Talks with God if special request chit is approved

Major
Barely clears a Quonset hut
Loses tug-of-war with a switch engine
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is occasionally addressed by God

Captain
Supervises all building leaping exhibitions
Is occasionally injured by aggressive locomotives
Issued ammunition but no gun
Dog paddles expertly
Talks to anyone in sandals

1st LT
Runs into buildings a lot
Recognizes locomotives two out of three times
Is not issued ammunition
Can stay afloat if properly intructed about the "Mae West"
Talks to walls and things

2nd LT
Falls over the doorstep when attempting to enter buildings
Says "Look at the choo-choo!"
Wets himself with a water pistol
Plays in mud puddles
Mumbles to himself

WO 1-5
Signs work request orders to repair buildings after jumping exibitions
Supervises work parties to put locomotives back on track after derailment
In charge of issuing ammunition
Drinks Gallo Vin Rose
Talks to no one - just grunts

Master SGT
Lifts buildings and walks under them
Kicks locomotives off of tracks
Catches speeding bullets in his teeth and eats them
Freezes water with a single glance
Is God

E-7 on down
Cares little about a bunch of silly buildings
Doesn't believe in locomotives and drives a car anyways
Stays well out of the way of flying lead
Mixes his water with scotch
Takes home God's paycheck after the weekly poker games

Yep, that's about right. Nobody mention this post to Dogtulosba, all right? Them 2LT's ain't right in the head, and a Combat Engineer to boot? Sheesh....