Things I wish I had written.

Can someone tell me why, out of all the Kennedys that fate or the gods have deigned to remove from this mortal coil, we still have Ted “Leave Her To Drown, It’s Not Like She’s Important” Kennedy among us unhappy mortals? He gets more and more like Jabba the Hut every day, yet each dawn sees him sucking in yet more oxygen. If the loony left really believed its own a-butterfly-sneeze-in-Ohio-starts-a-typhoon-in-the-Philippines all-things-are-interconnected bullshit philosophy they would have had him assassinated like his brothers merely for the countless orphans and old people who starved because Senator Edward Kennedy ate all their food for breakfast. Now I read here that this person has had the incredible gall to use the term “honor” to describe an act of disgusting cowardice. The act in question is dropping Iraq in the middle of what I am sure he’d like to call the current “discomfort,” running like hell, and hoping that the American public will be too relieved that their “children” are home to pay much heed to the sniggers of the French, the North Koreans, and the Iranians floating from across the pond, and that we’ll be too glued to the new upcoming HBO syndicated program Celebrity Bukkake (hosted by Oprah and Howard Stern) to notice that a grinning “Middle-Eastern-appearing” maniac with a jones for Jihad just set off a nuclear device in downtown Winnetka. Dear Senator Kennedy: DIE. Thank you.

(And those of you who are his fans are welcome to go into that good night with him. I’m sick of you taking up space on the same plane of existence I’m on.)

Ouch.