If Dean made you chuckle

Then Kerry will have you rolling in the isles.

ONE of the surest ways to get the phones ringing on any Massachusetts talk-radio show is to ask people to call in and tell their John Kerry stories. The phone lines are soon filled, and most of the stories have a common theme: our junior senator pulling rank on one of his constituents, breaking in line, demanding to pay less (or nothing) or ducking out before the bill arrives.

The tales often have one other common thread. Most end with Sen. Kerry inquiring of the lesser mortal: "Do you know who I am?"

One of the reasons that Donks like Kerry play the class warfare game so well is that they play it on a daily basis.... FROM THE TOP DOWN!

Every Tuesday night, the local politicians here that Kerry elbowed out of his way on his march to the top watch, fascinated, as he claims victory in more primaries and denounces the special interests, the "millionaires" and "the overprivileged."

"His initials are JFK," longtime state Senate President William M. Bulger used to muse on St. Patrick's Day, "Just for Kerry. He's only Irish every sixth year." And now it turns out that he's not Irish at all.

Oh, this is going to be fun if he wins the nomination. There's more dirt on him than a pig in a sty. He and his fellow idiots have been slinging mud for a year now, all of it aimed at the President. Bush has been biding his time. I'm not waiting that long. I'll have Kerry covered in the shit that he's produced so copiously faster than you can blink, and the rest of the Blogosphere is gearing up to do the same.

At the risk of engaging in ethnic stereotyping, Yankees have a reputation for, shall we say, frugality. And Kerry tosses around quarters like they were manhole covers. In 1993, for instance, living on a senator's salary of about $100,000, he managed to give a total of $135 to charity.

Yet that same year, he was somehow able to scrape together $8,600 for a brand-new, imported Italian motorcycle, a Ducati Paso 907 IE. He kept it for years, until he decided to run for president, at which time he traded it in for a Harley-Davidson like the one he rode onto "The Tonight Show" set a couple of months ago as Jay Leno applauded his fellow Bay Stater.

Of course, in 1993 he was between his first and second heiresses - a time he now calls "the wandering years," although an equally apt description might be "the freeloading years."

Holy Hell, even I give more than $135 to charity a year, and I'm sure not making one-hundred grand! Dear god, the man is a greedy tightwad who marries rich widows! Fire for Effect!

For some of the time, he was, for all practical purposes, homeless. His friends allowed him into a real-estate deal in which he flipped a condo for quick resale, netting a $21,000 profit on a cash investment of exactly nothing. For months he rode around in a new car supplied by a shady local Buick dealer. When the dealer's ties to a congressman who was later indicted for racketeering were exposed, Kerry quickly explained that the non-payment was a mere oversight, and wrote out a check.

Nice to see he's not above padding his own pockets illegally, so long as he doesn't pay for it afterwards. "OOPS! You mean I have to PAY for this shiny new car? I can't just keep it for free? Oh, well, let me write a check then! It's all one big misunderstanding!" Yeah, right.

In the Senate, his record of his constituent services has been lackluster, and most of his colleagues, despite their public support, are hard-pressed to list an accomplishment. Just last fall, a Boston TV reporter ambushed three congressmen with the question, name something John Kerry has accomplished in Congress. After a few nervous giggles, two could think of nothing, and a third mentioned a baseball field, and then misidentified Kerry as "Sen. Kennedy."

So he's a rich elitist, a snob, a veteran slanderer, an all around asshole, and yet he really hasn't done jack shit in his own state!

Hey Kerry! BRING. IT. ON!