Mockery

The best take-down of Taylor Swift I've seen.  Period.



*two paragraphs of extemporaneous blatherings removed by editor*

That's friggin' awesome right there.

YES!

The house voted to repeal Obamacare.

Do I think it'll happen right now?  No, there's no real chance that it'll pass the Senate, much less get signed by Obama.  But it'll force the Democrat American Communist Party to defend Obamacare again and again, over and over and over, and the more that America sees of Obamacare the less they like it.  I say let them vote to repeal it, and when that vote gets held up in the Senate or on the President's desk, vote to repeal it again!

The Decline of America

After hearing about how some iPhone glitch is responsible for people oversleeping and getting fired, yada yada yada, I have to ask:

How is it that people who spend hundreds of dollars for a phone can't seem to be able to buy a ten dollar alarm clock and make it work?

Garvey sidestepped questions about whether her tardiness was an isolated incident. She said after paying $300 for her iPhone in September 2009, and $100 each month on her contract, she blames the phone - not Foundry - for her lack of employment.

“It just made me feel angry because I spent all this money on this phone,” she said. “I’m not asking for anything. Maybe an apology.”

Now granted, this girl admits that had she known about the glitch she would have gotten an alarm clock.  But still....  how hard is it to just have a clock in your bedroom?  Why wait until there's a glitch in the phone to buy an alarm clock?  Hell, I've got four alarm clocks, three in the house and one in the garage.  OK, the garage clock is a radio clock that I like to use on occasion when I'm out there working, which is why it's out there in the first place.  Still, why not just use an alarm clock, instead of a phone?

Now let's see here.....$300 for her phone, $100 a month for the contract....  that's exactly why I don't own an iPhone.  I can't afford it.  But then, I'm not a university graduate working as a bartender/waitress either.  I guess those folks make the big bucks.

Republicans read Constitution on House floor

Democrats make with the sickness in the mouth.

And more here.  Maybe if the Democrat American Communist Party didn't react to the Constitution like a vampire reacts to sunlight, we wouldn't call them anti-American so much.

But they are what they are, and this is what they do.

The 112th Congress

We'll see.  We'll see if they live up to the promises they made when they got elected.  Hell, we'll see if they even come close, because that would at least show that they're making an effort at it.

Or, we'll see if the Business as Usual RINOs win the day.

And Botox Pelosi showed just what a shallow, partisan, lying bitch she was during her 13 minutes of self promotion, didn't she?  Good gawd.  And the Democrat American Communist Party is keeping her as minority leader?  Good.  She needs to be the face of the Donks for decades to come.  Let's keep reminding America what's waiting for them if they vote D.

From my email

Because once again, I have nothing but this:


A paraprosdokian (from Greek "παρα-", meaning "beyond" and "προσδοκία", meaning "expectation") is a figure of speech <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Figure_of_speech>; <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Figure_of_speech%3E>  ; in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ Anticlimax>; . For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists.

 Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but also play on the double meaning <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double_meaning> ; of a particular word, creating a syllepsis <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Syllepsis>; .
  
  
 Ø   I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
  
 Ø   Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
  
 Ø   I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
 
Ø   Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.  
Ø   The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
   
Ø   Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
   
Ø   If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
   
Ø   We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
     
Ø   War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
   
Ø   Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
   
Ø   The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
   
Ø   Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
   
Ø   To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
   
Ø   A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
   
Ø   How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
   
Ø   Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
     
Ø   I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
   
Ø   A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
   
Ø   Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".
   
Ø   I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
   
Ø   I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"
   
Ø   Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
   
Ø   Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
   
Ø   Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?
    
Ø   Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
   
Ø   A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
   
Ø   You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
   
Ø   The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
   
Ø   Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
   
Ø   A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
    
Ø   Hospitality:  making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
   
Ø   Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
   
Ø   I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
   
Ø   Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
   
Ø   There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
   
Ø   I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
   
Ø   I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
   
Ø   When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
   
Ø   You're never too old to learn something stupid.
 
Ø   To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
   
Ø   Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
   
Ø   Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
   
Ø   A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
   
Ø   If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
   
Ø   Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

I got an "A".

It's not all that difficult for anyone who reads on a regular basis.  More and more, I'm coming to the realization that I should fall at my parent's feet and kiss them for throwing away the TV when I was a kid and handing me books instead.

Parents, do you want your children to be literate?  Get rid of the one-eyed-babysitter in the house.  Toss the boob tube.  Get a library instead.  That $100+ you're spending on cable TV and 500 channels you never watch every month could buy quite a few books.  Do it.  You won't regret it.

Enjoying those high gasoline prices?

Keep enjoying them; they're only going to go up thanks to the Obama administration.

How's five bucks a gallon sound to you?  About right?

Found via Insty.

Puppy Dog Games

The dog and I have a game we play when I'm shoveling snow.  He accompanies me while I scrape a path clean and get a good shovel-full of snow.  Once my shovel is loaded, he gets into position.  And then I fling that shovel-full of snow into the air as far as I can, and he twists himself into a pretzel trying to eat it as it falls.

It's actually pretty cute.  He's jumping and twisting like a Chinese acrobat, jaws working so fast you can hear his teeth clicking together like an old-fashioned typewriter.  And I'm just shoveling snow.  Gives him a good workout in the morning.

Packers Win

They're in.  So too are my Seahawks, who proved just how awful the NFC West was this year by winning the division with a 7 and 9 record.  Seven wins, nine losses.  Ugh.  Just .......  ugh.  Nothing else can be said.  And the scary part is, even with the Saints being favored to come in and wipe the floor with the Seahawks, there's still a chance that the Boys in Blue can pull out a win.

Boggles the mind, it does.

Frozen Solid

We had unseasonably warm weather a few days ago.  I'm talking 40 degrees, everything melting, water running off the roof warm.

And then it froze.  Solid.  Below zero temps with the windchill.  And now my front yard is a solid block of ice.  The poor dog's paws are getting beaten up from going out to do his business.

Ah, winter in Wisconsin!