Day by Day

Sunday, May 24, 2009

One thing that bugged me

...about Seattle this time around. Well, bugged me MORE than normal. All the men there? Feminine. Total girly men.

And I may get hate mail for this, but I really don't give a damn. There were men holding hands with their female counterpart, and I had a hard time telling who was the guy and who was the girl. It wasn't until they turned around and one of them had a goatee that I could tell who had the Y chromosome. They walked like a girl. Their mannerisms were feminine. The way they gestured with their hands was feminine. They were total and complete girly men from top to bottom. The lack of testosterone was staggering, and there were times I wanted to just go back to my hotel room and take a hot shower with scouring powder and a Brillo pad after mingling with the locals. I wanted to read this essay about five times in a row to remember what a real friggin' man is like.

The men of Seattle are not men anymore. When the homeless bums are more manly than the men, you have problems. Although it does explain why Seattle votes the way they do. There's not a single set of real balls left in the City that I could see.

Hell, I bet that when Phil goes to work, he doubles the amount of testosterone in a five-mile radius.

So folks, if you want to see what happens to a city when you remove the male portion of society, just look at Seattle. Oh, there are "men" there, if having a penis makes a person a "man". But I would say that their penises are nothing more than a fleshy appendage on an androgynous form, because I couldn't find a real man from that city in the week I was there.

Oh, and just to pile on - I'm always interested by the different dialects we have around the country, with the Southern Drawl, the Southwestern twang, the different dialects in and around New England, etc. etc. etc. You want to know what the Seattle dialect is?

It's a lisp. The majority of men in Seattle talk with a lisp. No, theriouthly, lithening to a converthathion in Pike Plathe Market was like eavethdropping on a conferenth of thpeech impedimenths.

Yeah. Go ahead and send me the hate mail.

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