Day by Day

Tuesday, July 27, 2004


Women, please feel free to disregard this Public Service Announcement.

Men - Let's talk. There's this thing dangling between your legs. In medical terms it's called a "penis". Common vernacular is "wank, cock, dick, one-eyed trouser snake, willy, or heat-seeking moisture missle". It has two main functions. It seems that many people out there are only familiar with one of them, which would be sex. Fucking. Screwing. The Horizontal Mambo. Mattress dancing. Since we seem to be up to speed on that, let me just move straight to the other function, which would be liquid body waste disposal.

You see, thanks to the handy-dandy feature of actually having a protrusion with which to grasp, we men can aim the damn thing while we're taking a leak! This allows us to pee while standing up, which is commonly facilitated by urinals in men's restrooms. As far as I know, women's restrooms do not have urinals. Only the men do. However, this biological feature is completely useless IF YOU DON'T F**KING AIM!

So please, spread the news to all the people you know. Men can aim where they pee. It's true! You can try it out today! Because every time I walk into a public restroom and it looks like the trolls have been having a pee-pee fight, I want to puke. I'm starting to look for trees that appear relatively clean, because the sight and smell of a men's urinal makes me gag! We can aim the damn things, but it does us no good if we just let it hang out and spray all over the area! I feel like I need to clean out rest area bathrooms with a pressure hose before I use them.

Be Clean. Aim your Stream. Please, do it for the children!

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